"In a dark time the eye begins to see" -Theordore Roethke
"You are always in the right place at the right time" -James Blanchard Cisneros"

Setting aside the depressing posts for a while to focus on some merriment. This weekend AC/DC left me deaf for several hours!  It was a great show. Next weekend I will be checking out Cheech and Chong. Today I found out that Flight of the Conchord's released their spring tour dates and SURPRISE, they are playing Nashville.  So that will be my third show nailed down for this year. I only wish I could be in Hollywood for The Chelsea Girls debut show. Cherrie Curry will be a special guest that night.  The Runaways were always a favorite and I totally love Joan, but who can resist Cherrie!  I wished for a FTOC tour and got it, maybe I should have wished for a million dollars, because I could burn through that just going to shows in CA this year alone! I am feeling stressed out over the fact that I have to miss out on The Cure at the Coachella Festival. I have this deep seated fear that I will never get to see The Cure again for some reason! I have total separation anxiety from Robert. Yeah, I know...I need therapy.

Well shit. This whole week has been turned upside down. I have no pics to post and will not until the end of the month. I have a concert and a pro-ball game next weekend. High hopes for something good by then. Otherwise I have been at the hospital with my Mom. She is stable but showing a new symptom that she hasn't had before.  She should be released  tomorrow.  I was so bored at the hopsital that at one point I found myself watching an infomercial hosted by Tony Orlando. Between Tony's collection of love ballads from the 70's.  The songs, however cheese filled, brought back some VERY HAPPY childhood memories with my Mom. Somewhere between the trip down memory lane with Tony and the voices paging people to certain sections of the hospital, I found myself resisting the urge to grab the bottle of xanax out of my bag. So I sat there imagining what the people over the loudspeaker might look like, because I have heard their voices so many times before. One woman sounded like she was either in her early 100's or just stuck in a freezer. A voice so shaky that I will never be able to forget it.  Mom just sleeps through all of this. I could hear a woman in the next room, I couldn't tell if she was laughing  or crying. Yep, that was enough to warrant me a "hall pass" so I tip-toed out of her room and  went to the "family room". The same poor kid was there surfing the net from six hours earlier!  She told me that her Mother had been there for nine days. The Oncology floor is too sad. The saddest part- family members  when they are away from their loved ones. The glances we exchange all have the same silent message. I know they are in hell and they know I am too. It gets harder and harder to force a smile to these strangers. I know they save those fake smiles to take back to their loved ones, just like I do. There is no need for chit chat,  and there is nothing that can really be said to make anyone change their demeanor. I found no peace in the comfortable family waiting room. I had a new worry...while the teenager surfed Perez Hiltons website, I knew her Mom might not make it out of the hospital. She was so young and I really did feel for her. Once again though, it was a reminder that I have had more time with my own Mom than this kid would ever have.  Only because this was a child, I managed to tell her that I hoped her Mother felt better very soon. She said the same thing back to me, kind of like a broken record. SAD.SAD.SAD! 
When I walked back to our hospital room. My mom was awake and the 70's infomercial was still on. She looked at me and said, " Remember this song?" and I replied, "Remember when we...

I ended up making her laugh so hard with my impression of the ancient lady on the over head speaker...the one that sounded like she was stuck in a freezer.  It may have been too much excitement, but whatever, there was no time to put off gut wrenching, tears rolling down your face, out of control, real LAUGHTER.

I have used the last days of my intermittent leave of absence from work to assist my mother. She has taken a turn for the worst over the last  2 months and has reached a stage where blood transfusions and platelet transfusions are starting to fail. Even after she has those, her nose continues to bleed...and this goes on for hours to days at a time. This means her platelets are barely working  (or not at all) to stop these major bleeding episodes. So there is the proof, as much as I hate to admit that to myself. She has to sit perfectly still and not talk for the duration of the bleed. It makes her miserable and I can't stand to see her suffering like that. I suck it up though, and put on a happy face whenever I see her. She has surpassed her Oncologists mortality expectations, but her condition is in a state of rapid decline.  This afternoon I am taking my kids to see her, even though she has no energy. She asked me to bring them over for a little visit.

Top Ten events for 2008
1. Saw The Cure in Atlanta last June!!!
2. Using my lomo-camera finally!
3. Visiting my cousin and his family, haven't seen him in 10 years!
4. Having time off from work to take care of my Mom.
5. Watching Brittany lose her mind
6. Realizing that I was doing so much better than her.
7. Finding out who my real friends were when I was down...
8. ...being blown away because  there were so many more than I thought!
9. Having a kick ass fourth of july cove party
10. seeing our New President elect! wow!

First Concert of the year 2009 will officially be AC/DC in January.  Although 2008 was one crappy year, I did get to drink A LOT of water while I saw,heard and fell-completely back in love with The Cure. I also saw Billy Corgan pull the Smashing Pumpkins out of the closet...Twice. The SP shows were wonderful, since I obviously hadn't seen them since the 90's :)  Needless to say, these two bands ruined every other show I saw that year.  Hopefully Joan Jett will come back to a small venue near my city this year and I would love to see Stone Temple Pilots again, unless Scott is already back in rehab.  I wonder if  Meg will ever get over her post traumatic stress from the "alleged" internet sex vid and bring my White Stripes home again.

The Donna's are a given and are constantly touring, I just have to choose the city, go, and rock.  Oh, and if anyone knows Courtney Love, please tell her to get her ass off myspace and get back on tour!!  Two new bands I resolve to check out live: The Dolly Rots and Girl in a Coma.   Neon Angels,a movie about The Runaways is due this year as well!  Kristen Stewart (star of "Twilight") has been cast to play the role of  young Joan at age 17. I have been waiting two years to see THAT mother fucker.

Let me know your rock resolution.

I wouldn't trade my outcast path for any other. It made me a great observer. It made me brave in odd ways. And it gave me a life that is endlessly interesting-even if it is sometimes just interesting to me.

Understand that there are still plenty of people (I'm related to some of them!) who smile indulgently at my latest creations and say, "well, somebody has too much time on her hands." But plenty more get excited about what I've liberated from my imagination. In the best moments, they even share their ideas with me and we share joyful moments. We tell secrets of our outcast hearts. We think up things we've never seen before. And that, my friend, is very, very cool.

I'm reminded of what Tim Burton said back in 2003, when asked what he expected of his newborn son:

''I just hope he's not popular,'' he said. ''At my 10-year high-school reunion, all the popular people, the good students, turned out to be unappealing. The so-called misfits all turned out to be attractive. So if you have a child, you should almost hope they're not popular in high school. You were beaten up today? Well, that's not such a bad idea. You don't like talking to anybody? You like sitting in your room alone? Well, we have nothing but hope for you.''

I just don't have anything brilliant to say. Can't think  of anything to write. I just like taking pictures and letting things speak for themselves. Observation is more of what I do than create.